The problem is... I do care...

A time comes in our lives that we realize that we do not want to settle for what 'just is.' After the Christmas ordeal with TJ's family I decided that I was not going to dwell on something that I did not have control over --- the way people felt about me. Don't get me wrong, I do not have much concern on if people like what I do or what I say. However when it comes to family, I do have a concern when I'm not accepted, especially when I'm not sure of the reason for non-acceptance.

Here's another thing--- I can handle TJ's family not 'liking' ME, however they should not disown their own blood. His sister especially has disowned her own brother. The brother who would do anything for anyone in his family has been disowned, because of me. TJ saw her when he was home for the Military Ball and called her---she ignored his call. Seriously I can't wrap my mind around this!

Last night his sister text TJ and was upset that he didn't tell her "good luck" for making it to State basketball. Well, again, we were not informed so how could we tell her "good luck?"

We seem to be the last to know on everything and it does bother us. Either we are the last to know or simply never find out.

After not being accepted in my ex's family I wanted nothing more than to be accepted into my husband’s family. I kept myself shielded because I knew what it felt like to be just another person and not really a part of them. TJ's family is aware of what I've been through in the past however that makes no sense to them as they all live perfect lives, so they think.

I'm very bitter with everything going on because I feel as though it's my entire fault; however there's never a reasoning given behind it.

I spoke with TJ's cousin who is the same age as Gina, the youngest sister, and Abbi informed me that, "his family has never given you a chance." This just goes to make me wonder how long I've been considered a, "ruin of the family." This whole thing has driven me sick, stressed, to the verge of divorce, and then to the 'I don't care' stage. But the only thing is, I do care, very much.

I'm just ready for this war to be over with. Stop telling me things like, "Welcome to the family," "You are family, you can come to use with anything," "You are a sister now," (All from the wedding) if you truly don't mean it. Do any of you really think I can consider you family when I'm treated the way you treat me? Do any of you really think I want to spend time with people who don't care, appreciate, and love me? You may talk shit because I was "selfish" for not spending time with you all... why should I put myself through self torture when I can be around people who genuinely care, appreciate, and love me?

All I'm asking is for those of you who think I am such a bad person, I'm really not. It's not my fault you've never taken the time to genuinely get to know me.